Never expecting more then what it really is....

We've all been there and we've all felt it at one point in our lives....LOVE. An emotion that changes your whole perspective in life whether it be good or bad. LOVE by definition is "a warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion," and honestly I have already decided that for me to fall in LOVE again is NEVER going to happen again.

My experience with LOVE has always ended in heartbreak, lies, and deceitfulness BUT even though those "relationships" diminished one thing I have been able to gain from them has always been wisdom. Not only have I learned more about the opposite sex... but have definitely learned a lot about myself and what I expect and deserve from the next man that may want to be a part of my world.

I want to find PASSION or should I rather say I want to fall in PASSION... fall into PASSION because I am not going out here looking for it. PASSION is sincere, PASSION is honest, PASSION is real, PASSION is unexplainable.... and I've always been told that patience is a virtue. Of course I would LOVE to find a man that wants me for me... to take me for the bitch that I know I can be at times, to take me for the geeky girl that I know is in me lol, to take ALL of me and turn my world upside down and I may have found him already or he may be a man of the future but listen up MR. wherever and whoever you are... Im a bad bitch and when you come along... Imma make you THAT much better, and thats a promise. I have soo much to give and when my PASSION man comes along...yeah lol its curtains.

The hardest part is sticking to the desired goal...why?? Because we cannot control matters of the heart. As I write this there is someone that is running thru my thoughts and having me question myself. His dedication and PASSION (key word) has definitely inspired me in so many ways... what sux is that I cant tell him that. I cant tell him because of the fear I have within myself of what the possible outcome can be. Things have been and are great and I definitely dont want things to change but I dont wanna fall for the same bullshit that everyone else has offered me. If we could put his PASSION and my PASSION together Im absolutely positive that the only thing to come out of it would be beautiful music....but I gotta be patient and just let things fall into place.

Never expecting more then what it really is and continuing to grow in the process.

Smooches xoxo

The Harsh Reality: He's Just Not That Into You

 
We all wonder if the guy we just gone on a date with likes us or not and if there is any chance of a future let alone another date. Instead of the typical, here are signs he’s interested, I’m going to let you know about signs that tell he’s just not that into you. It’ll save you a lot of hassle and worrying about what he’s thinking or what’s going on, etc. Often these signs are obliviant to you but everyone else around you can see that it’s not working out…he just doesn’t like you the way you like him. The following should be quite helpful when you begin deciphering what’s going on.

Every woman during her dating years will experience this. So don’t feel like you’re the only one wondering about what’s up with that guy you have an eye on. This situation is just leaving you ever so confused and worked up and worried and its better that you just let it be and move on with life. Like the saying goes, there are many fish in the sea, so throw him back and fish for another. Believe me, you’ll soon find that one who will show you that he cares and wants to have a future with you and it’ll leave you just amazed.

Here are some signs to look for from this person of interest to find if there may be anything worth having with him or should you move on…. Read on to find out if your man of interest has any of the following going on….

The most obvious signs that he’s definitely not interested are that he avoids eye contact, his body is always positioned away from you, he keeps his arms folded tightly over his chest, nor does he encourage any type of conversation with you and he don’t tell you about himself. He keeps a distance between you and him… He doesn’t try to get close.

A huge red flag that this dude isn’t right for you and that you should definitely move on is that he ignores and disrespects you. He does this by putting down your values, thoughts and ideas. It shows that he doesn’t care about you. You’re definitely worth more than that, so don’t put up with him. Don’t think that oh I’ll stick with him because he’ll eventually change. The thing is he will NEVER change. Do you want that to be your wakeup call 5 years down the road? I think not. Don’t waste your time on a guy who does such things. There is definitely someone much better for you out there. 

Another huge sign is that he’ll cancel plans on you last minute or even stands you up. He may just entirely blow you off or even shows up late. If you were really worth it in his eyes or was someone he was actually interested in, he wouldn’t do that to you. These things show that he does not respect you and don’t care if you are even in his life or not. Honey, just move on and let this guy go. There are other guys who will actually cherish you and be thankful that you are in their life. 

If he is never available on the classic date nights aka the weekends or special occasions, you are not that important to him. He is keeping things open just in case someone better comes along, then its goodbye you. So if your man is constantly doing this, keep it in mind he’s bound to blow you off as you are just a passing phase or flavor for the moment. 

Hey girl….Does your man only want to see you at night? You are just a booty call. Every man can afford to take you out during the day and have normal dates with you and not hook up for a quickie late at night…. This is his way to get his sexual needs met without the commitment of a real boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. You deserve to be taken out properly to movies, restaurants, etc. So ditch this dude and find one that will treat you like how you are to be treated… like a princess. 

A guy who is into you and wants to have a future with you will not screen his calls for your number, and would call you back or answer the phone when you call. If he doesn’t return your call that day or never picks up when you call, you’re not high on his priority list. He’s avoiding you most likely and or even still playing the field to see if there is someone better. He’s just a player gal, and you should move on. He’s not worth the time. 

If the guy you are seeing is still hooking up with other women or you even catch him at it, he’s not ready to settle down with you. Even if he still maintains inappropriate contact with exes or even other women friend she’s not ready to invest time in you or ready to have any kind of future. He’s just not worth the time if he’s out looking for someone else. Save yourself the heartache and move on…. You’ll find someone who will be so thankful for you. 

If your guy disappears for days, weeks or months at a time, do yourself a favor and give him the boot once and for all and don’t look back. Don’t let yourself think that he is investing time in the relationship and even cares about you. He doesn’t. If he did, he would spend every chance he could with you. If your man does this, it’s a sure sign that he is seeing other people and not ready to commit to one person. 

If you recognize any of the above signs in the man your dating, it’s time to move on. Like the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to what he’s doing as well as what he’s saying. If he doesn’t put any effort in your relationship it’s time to move on. Make sure you are giving your time to someone who is worth the investment because we cannot get back lost time. When it comes down to it, you want to find a man that treats you right and wants to spend quality time with you. If you settle for anything less, you’re selling yourself short on what you deserve. 

Hope this helps some ladies.... 


Smooches xoxo

The One!

I have found that unlike what most people say, your soul mate is not the one who is your perfect fit on most levels (because that is practically impossible to think the same way as someone else on just about everything), it is the one who sees the beauty, appreciates, and encourages your differences; the one who knows all your flaws and loves you like you are perfect; the one who happily brings out the best qualities and talents in you (even if these things aren't attributes and talents that they necessarily like); the one who believes in you when you doubt yourself; the one who sacrifices their time and effort for your smile/laugh/happiness; the one you want to free into the world to experience all that is good, but who you cannot wait to be back by your side; one you love enough to forgive and erase the tally of mistakes that are made (although that one will try to keep from hurting your directly at all costs); the one you cannot stop praying about or thanking God that they are in your life; the one that God gives you every sign that they are meant; the one that shares your pain and joys equally…..I could go on and on!

Less Then Nothing

You can take away my dreams,

You can take away tomorrow,

You can take away the future I'll never know,

You can take away the places I'll never see with you again,

You can take away every meaning behind the songs you sang for me,

You can take away the love you gave me.

You can take back your promises, go on and take them all.

The gifts, the smiles, the kisses, the looks.

They dont mean anything anymore, not to you anyway.

You broke my heart, you broke my dreams, you left me with nothing, more than the emptiness of where you were.

I cant turn back time, and I wont change who I am.

You saw her more clearly than me.

You craved her much more deeply.

You touched her so much more sweetly.

Take a bow my love. Your role has been played through.

A standing ovation goes out to you.

You've taken everything. You should be so so proud of yourself.

You made me and now you've broke me. Im less than what you started with, but no matter how hard you try and wish with all your heart,

You will never take yesterday away from me, when once upon a time, you meant every touch every word and every kiss.

Once upon a time I was everything.

And now Im less than nothing.

Smooches xoxo

If A Man Wants You

IF A MAN WANTS YOU...
Written by a MAN


If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.


Never live your life for a man, before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends."
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle. I f you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you,speak up!

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or he's in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more ..... nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.


A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two-way street.


You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage...
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship !
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.


Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always knows where you
are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar, but get to know others.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Smooches xoxo

Let's be Friends with Benefits

So I was fucking around on the internet and came across this article about the "Rules" of Friends with Benefits... Sooo rather then me writing about it Im posting the rules. Read it, Learn it, and Follow it.

Occasionally, you'll meet a girl you have a lot of chemistry with, but for some reason, you don't want to commit to her. So you remain friends with the girl, while still being intimate with each other. It can become a problem though, if the girl is insistent upon turning it into more than that. She might try to suck you into a relationship. To prevent this, you need to lay some ground rules.

Here are some tips for keeping the "Friends With Benefits" alive and well, for as long as possible.

1. No spending the night.

Letting her spend the night, or spending the night at her place sends the wrong message! It communicates a desire to settle down. If you can, keep the encounters at her place, and then leave. It's much nicer than kicking her out of your place.

2. Keep cuddling to a minimum!

Doing a lot of intimate stuff is going to create an emotional desire for more. Avoid this! You want to keep things physical rather than emotional. Fifteen minutes of cuddling is the max I would recommend. But displays of affection is generally discouraged.

3. Do not enter into a "Friends With Benefits" arrangement while drunk.

There's a difference between a one-night stand and a friend with benefits. But entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there's a beer-goggles situation. You don't want to go to bed with a supermodel and wake up with a dog, do you? Besides, don't you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous fun you had the night before?

4. No leave-behinds!

Do not allow the girl to leave any of her stuff at your place! No toothbrushes, no clothes - nothing! There should be no ties at all. Believe me, women WILL try and do this if they're over enough times, just for "convenience." But it's really a doorway into moving more and more things in, until she's effectively attached herself to you.

5. Don't discuss anything real.

Remember, we're trying to avoid intimacy here, and nothing creates intimacy like talking about important things. No family history, no favorite colors, no goals, no personal triumphs or tragedies. If you want to keep it a friends with benefits situation, you have to stay light: movies, bands, and favorite brands of booze.

6. Pet names aren't allowed.

No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. Once you start with the nick names, a sense of ownership is implied. Don't even call her "babe." Keep it to her name only, because once you start with the terms of endearment, she's going to get the wrong idea.

7. No dinners, no movies, no "quality time" of any sort.

If she insists on going out at all, meet her at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten o'clock at night. The hour between nine and ten is the gray zone between when a real date starts and when it's just a hook-up. Going out late means you don't have to go through the effort of buying her dinner and talking, you just want to get to the good stuff.

8. Hide all evidence of your arrangement.

Throw out all condom wrappers (although you should no matter what), change your sheets, and don't get any hickeys, bruises, bites, or scratches if you expect to date anyone else any time soon.

9. Always play it safe!

One of the sad realities of life is that women will sometimes do dirty things to hook a guy, and one of those things is getting pregnant. So always, always, ALWAYS use condoms and birth control when playing with your friend with benefits! And more importantly, be sure to properly dispose of the condoms after you're done! Flush 'em down that toilet to make sure there's no possibility of "leakage."

10. Pee with the door closed.

Even if you are using each other for cheap thrills, doesn't mean you should act indecent. These rules probably sound harsh, but if it's too much, then having a friend with benefits is probably not for you.

Many people can get it on and not feel any attachment. Most can't though, and it's a rough game that not everyone can play. Just figure out what you are willing to do and go from there.

Smooches xoxo

Resentment

I love you and yet I cannot forgive you

You turned me into a monster, so trapped in my own mind
Mentally torn down and beat to a pulp
I had nothing left, do you understand?
Your life was happy, new friends always
Mine was awful, my friends all moved on
You didn’t trust me, though I did nothing
I hated fighting, I did everything I could to please you
But it was never enough
You asked a girl to kiss you, you told that bitch you loved her
You visited me at work, then visited her at home
I never understood your lies, I never saw them coming
I never lied, cheated or even glanced at another man

Until I became what you made me be, spiteful

I wasn’t enough, you felt you needed more
Why did you hold on to me while you got to play around?
You dragged me along until I thought death was the only cure
You could have let me go
I tried many times to break the ties
But you always begged and pleaded
I thought that was love
I was wrong
I didn’t want to be in this world any more
Until the comforting words of my savior
Told me don’t give up
I was strong when I left you
His words rang through my heart and soul, every minute of every day
He numbed me so that I may recover from the surgery that was my broken heart
I did well, I was happy, I was strong
I held back the tears wanting no pity
I remembered how to be happy and light spirited
No longer uptight but care free and happy
I’m not upset to have learned I am human
Just grateful that he brought me peace
Now everything is different
I have no stable ground, other than that which he has placed under my feet
When I sat in your car it was a comforting
The familiarity I have longed for
But I know you have moved on and I am happy for you
It is painful to see the unhealthiness of our old lives
I sift through our memories, and hold on to love and happiness as I would a piece of gold
You will find true love one day
If that is what you wish for
But as for me I am satisfied with the love of God
And if he should bring a man for me
Then I will love and respect him with all of my heart, as I did you at one point in time…

Smooches xoxo

Take Away

You can take away my dreams,

You can take away tomorrow,

You can take away the future ill never know,

You can take away the places ill never see with you again,

You can take away every meaning behind the songs you sang for me,

You can take away the love you gave me.

You can take back your promises, go on and take them all.

The gifts, the smiles, the kisses, the looks. They dont mean anything anymore, not to you anyway.

You broke my heart, you broke my dreams, you left me with nothing more than the emptiness of where you were.

I cant turn back time, and i wont change who I am.

You saw her more clearly than me.

You craved her much more deeply.

You touched her so much more sweetly.

Take a bow my love. Your role has been played through. A standing ovation goes out to you.

You've taken everything.

You should be so so proud of yourself.

You made me and now you've broke me.

Im less than what you started with, but no matter how hard you try and wish with all your heart,

you will never take yesterday away from me, when once upon a time, you meant every touch every word and every kiss. Once upon a time I was everything.

And now Im less than nothing.

Smooches xoxo

She is Me

She is strong. Strong because she’s hit rock bottom and has picked herself right back up.

She is wise. Wise because she’s learned from tragedy and heartache.

She is a fighter. A fighter because she will stop at nothing to accomplish something.

She’s made mistakes and will continue to make them but she learns from the experiences.

She is a mother. A mother because that is the path that God has given her.

She is proud. Proud because she knows that she is who she is and no one will ever change that. She is another single woman in the world.

She is hard-working. She is dedicated. She’s determined to make it out in one piece.

She loves. She hates. She’s disappointed.

She experiences these feelings not because she is weak, but rather because she is strong enough to know herself.

She is beautiful. Beautiful because she has a beautiful soul.

She is ugly. Ugly because certain characteristics aren’t easy to change.

She’s far from perfect and doesn’t ever intend to try to achieve perfection.

She is real. Real because that’s the only way she knows how to be.

She is indecisive. Indecisive because she’s such a people pleaser.

She is passionate. Passionate because her heart always gives 100%.

She is foolish. Foolish because she sometimes lets her heart take over.

She is kind. She is naïve. She is funny. She is sweet. She is a nerd. She is a rocker. She is romantic. She is selfish. She is creative. She is inspiring. She is soo much more.

So much that words can’t even explain who she is.

She is who she is. She is ME!!!

Table for One

“Captive Women:” a woman that NEVER goes out without a man or a group of women, basically a woman that refuses to be seen in public alone. I was a “captive woman.” There is still a social stigma about being out alone in public; you’re boring, desperate, or simply nobody likes to be around you. Completely false. I will be the first to say that I LOVE my own company, and am my own best friend.

I go EVERYWHERE alone and have no problem doing so. Bars, movies, restaurants, malls, diners, you name it. I even have this “thing” I do maybe once or twice a month, I call it my drunken movie night lol, don’t judge me. Lately I’ve been slacking because I’ve been accompanied to the movies but…

Anyways….

I buy myself alcohol; pour it in a “discrete” juice bottle, and get drunk while at the Movie Theater. It may sound retarded I know but its my thing and I have a ball. Another thing of mine is going to random bars and cafes and just talking to people. Why?? To network, and meet new people. You never know who you could be sitting next to. I was once at one of my favorite diners, it’s a little rinky dink place but they have the BEST hot chocolate ever. Anyways…. I was sitting in my booth with my ipod and notebook sipping on my hot chocolate when this old man turns and says “What is a pretty thing like you doing all alone on this cold night?” At first I thought the guy was a perv but I answered and said “Im enjoying my cup of hot chocolate.” He starts questioning the notebook and asks if I was a writer. I kindly responded “No, I just write. If that makes any sense.” Long story short we continue talking and come to find out he was related to Frank Gehry, the architect that designed the Guggenheim Museum in NYC. He pulled out his notebook and starts showing me some of his designs. We sat and he shared his experiences as an architect and I shared my dreams of becoming a future architect. It is definitely something that I will never forget all because I was at that diner, on that particular night, and I was alone. Again you never know who you is sitting to your left…

Any who…

I recently came to the conclusion that I’ve been dating myself for about a year now and to be honest, the relationship is wonderful. I take myself shopping, the movies, out to eat at fancy restaurants, treat myself to days at the spas, shit this is the best relationship that I’ve EVER had lol. Why should I need a man to do all the things I can do for myself?!?! Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem getting men, not at all, but I don’t need a man to have a great time. I see it like this, if I don’t know myself and the things that make me tick then how will a future relationship work. Dating is all about getting to know the other person you’re “seeing” and how will they know you if you don’t know yourself. To please someone i.e. spouse, children, family, friends one must be able to be content with themselves. The relationship you have with yourself is the most important. If I make myself happy, it therefore translates to all my other relationships including my relationship with God, my children, and friends, significant others etc.

LOVE yourself and LOVE your own company. It’ll change your perception of life.

Smooches xoxo