Free Ballin

I wanna experiment with something real quick so if this following post jumps from one thing to the next it's because Im literally just typing whatever comes to mind. For the next 10 mins Imma just "write"/ type without stopping. Whatever comes to mind is what Imma say so BEWARE!!! Dont judge me on the bipolarness. 


Mistakes are going to be made within our lifetime. Noone is perfect and it's an impossability to even think that it's possible. Ive made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime but have always tried to learn from them all. Im currently at a turning point in my life. At a point where i literally have to man up to my responsibilities and take action to better my life but this isnt only for me but for Ava and Aisha. Those two rugrats are the fire in my heart that keeps me burning. I wouldnt have done half the shit ive experienced if it wasnt for them. Never putting ANY of the blame on them for my misduings but I know Ive stooped down to levels that I never thought i would be in in order to just put food in their stomachs and clothes on their backs. If there is anything that I want my daughters to know is that they dont EVER have to do half of the shit that Ive done in order to get thru life. I dont want the same kinda life that Ive had to grow accustomed to for them. I wanna wake up one day and be able to be in complete bliss with myself and my life. I wanna be able to wake up everyday and be happy that I am "struggle free" and when I say struggle free I mean financially dependent of my damn self, not EVER needing shit from anyone else. Not ever having to look down on someone because you oiwe them, and not ever having to take any more disrespect from anyone because they helped you get out of a situation. I wanna be able to be ina position where my daughters see that ME their mother made it without the help of any man to get them thru. They need to know that it is most certainly possible to have a great life without a companion. The struggle right now is having to let go. Having to face reality. A reality that Im not sure that I can bear right now. The reality that Im gonna be alone in doing this. the reality that I may just be creating more harm to my children BUT knowing that if I dont Im only creating more harm against myself...


10 mins are up.... hmmm I woulda thought that there would been more written but whatever, Imma just post it. 


Smooches xoxo